Never Regret
by dark wings alias raat ke rani
Summary: The scene was around Gig 11 ... taken from Towa's POV but written in third person format.


It's rather late, I guess.... because the anime has been around for a while and the fanfics I found about this anime was all written around 2001 or so.... ^__^ My first attempt on Kaikan Phrase.... and I have only watched it up to Gig 12. I don't read the manga either, I can't find any around..... The story is a spoiler to Gig 11. You'll see it yourself. Review please.... ^__^

Disclaimer: Kaikan Phrase and its characters belong to Shinjo Mayu, Shogakukan, and TV Tokyo; Hold The Dream written by W. Leverty/C. Snare and re-written without permission.

This fanfic is dedicated to my friend who, as I was told, decided to enroll to a music college with the money that he's supposed to use to enroll to some school of management (his parents finally gave up after seeing his determination)... and now he's a professional DJ and sound engineer... and will finish his master degree on the same subject.... and also to numerous musicians I knew who gave up their school and normal lives to chase their dreams.....

Now on with the fic.....

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**NEVER REGRET  
**By: Dark Wings

  
He looked again at the figure in front of him. Flawless golden locks entwined. "Perfect," he murmured to himself as he flung his hair over his shoulder. He scanned his own figure in the mirror, making sure that nothing was wrong with his look. He curled a satisfied smile on his lips. His smooth hand reached to grab his burgundy jersey and put it over his white coiled shirt.   
He moved to the other side of the room, took his bass guitar and flung it over his shoulder. Just before he got out of the room, he looked again into the mirror. "You're looking good as usual," he said to himself before finally opening the door and headed to the studio.  
  
He walked the steps down to Studio 12. He knew he wasn't the first one to arrive. Sakuya was already there. The blue eyed looked at him and nodded. The man was not a talkative type. Towa found him mysterious. But sometimes he thought that this mysterious aura was good to drag more fans. It's like a boy who would lose interest in a girl as soon as he got closer to her. The more she held the mystery, the more the curiousity. That's how this business worked. Making music is like dating a girl. His pink-glossed lips smiled.   
Yuki and Santa came at the same time and not so long after, Yuka and Atsuro showed up. Their main schedule was to perfect Sakuya's new song. Man, that man was very talented in music. Well, except in playing guitar, but Towa thought that he would cope up with the other two sooner or later if he kept on practicing everyday.   
The blond soon melted away with the rhythm of the song. His fingers plucked the strings as if they were dancing to some enchantment. He liked the feeling of this trance every time he played with these people. He soon forgot the world around him. The only thing existed in his head was only the music. Santa's beat soon blended with his bass playing, forming a base for the guitars, making a beautiful painting along with Sakuya's silver voice. Silver, because it was white and soft.   
Coming into the second song of the set, something came into his ears. Untrained ears would not notice such difference, but he noticed it. Somebody in the band was not into the song. One of the guitar tunes was not sounding as usual. He opened his eyes and started to examine the guitarists. Yuki was playing with his usual confidence. The man threw a smile at Towa as he noticed that the blond one was watching him. Towa sent back a smile. It couldn't be Yuki, he thought.   
His eyes rolled to Atsuro. The boy was very quiet. Indeed, he was not into the song. His face looked sullen and grey in the middle of the happy rhythm. He was deep in thought. He sometimes hit the wrong chords and made the sound flat. The others didn't seem to notice. Well, he had to admit that he was the only one who was willing to work towards perfection.   
He watched Atsuro closely. Wondering what made the boy's play sounded so terrible that day. He knew well that Atsuro was a promising young guitarist. He was very good technically and he could play a good range of music. But perhaps, the music was too much affected with his feelings. A cheer song about love would sound like a howls of cries in funeral if he was sad. Well, perhaps the comparison was too exaggerated, but it was more or less so.   
  
"I brought some food for you!" Yuka raised two plastic bags full of food. She was a very good manager. A real good manager who didn't bother asking for payment to the band. She did it as her self assessment. Just as the others, well, except Sakuya, were doing with their music. They all wanted to show the world that they play decent music and they could entertain people. Funny that the ignorant vocalist was the most crucial point in this. A good band without a good front man wouldn't be able to do anything at all, an invalid band. That was probably why his old band could get a contract. They had good looks and the front man could communicate with the audience very well, although their music was just average.  
Towa was about to get something before Santa eat them all. He was hungry after all. He had not had his lunch. But his steps were stopped when he noticed a figure who ducked at the corner of the studio, wiping his guitar quietly and placed it in the hard case.   
"I know what you're going to say, 'what kind of playing was that?'" the boy said just as Towa stepped closer to him.   
"Your playing is much too affected by your mood," the blond answered. He liked professionalism in making music. He walked to Yuka who was encircled by his three band mates. The food looked inviting.  
"Towa," Atsuro called, stopping him from walking away, "I want to talk with you about something."  
Towa answered with a nod and he walked with his graceful movement towards the others.  
  
"Nee-chan, I'm going to talk for a while with Towa. So, I'm afraid we can't go home together."  
Yuka nodded, "Don't worry, I can walk home myself." She smiled. Her face showed that she was actually worried about her little brother. She knew that he was depressed with the choice between going to college and playing with the band. It couldn't be a fifty-fifty for him. She knew he wanted so bad to play music for his life.   
"I'll see ya all," Towa waved his hand and walked away with Atsuro.   
He could hear Santa teasing on their manager, "Don't worry, even if he looks like that, he is still a normal guy."   
Towa forced a smile hearing those words. A funny remark.  
  
"So, what do you wanna talk about?" Towa asked as they seated their selves on a park bench at a nearby playground.  
The boy straightened his back and sighed. "How was it when you left school with the band? he asked, "I can't convince my parents whatsoever, even though I have set my heart to it."   
"I left without words and never come back," Towa cut through.   
"Have you ever regretted your decision?"  
Towa shook his head calmly. "There's no point of regretting now." His lips formed a vague smile.  
Atsuro ducked his head a while and sighed again. It clearly showed that his mind was burdened with thoughts. He looked again at his best friend. "But I'm amazed that you don't loose your resolve. I mean, you don't know if you can really become a pro or not. And even if you did become a pro, you might still not be able to get something to eat and all…."  
"But I have determined myself to my dream of becoming a pro someday." Towa stated again. His sounded very comfortable saying an almost impossible dream that way. He stood up from the bench and added, "You have to decide it yourself." And he left the boy alone. He needed some time to think, Towa thought.  
  
Towa turned the key to his door and entered the small apartment. He loosened his 16-holes boots and walked on the cream carpeted floor. He put his bass at the corner, turned on the stereo set and let the songs from the CD filled the air. He kept the volume as slow as possible, but still could be heard. He didn't want to disturb his neighbors in the middle of the night.  
He took off clothes and headed to his bathroom. His hand turned on the faucet and let hot water filled the bath tub. He let the door opened so that the song could still be heard from the bathroom. He headed to the wash basin. The tub was still far from full.   
He reached for his facial-soap, one that could be used as make-up remover. Absent mindedly he squeezed the tube and scrubbed his face. His mind went back to the talk he had with Atsuro a while back. "Have you ever regretted your decision?" he asked the question again.   
How long had it been since he decided to quit school and left his family? One year? Two years? It seemed much longer than that. He washed his face with water and looked into his reflection in the mirror. It seemed as if the reflection grinned at him. "Chicken!" he heard his own mind saying, "You ran away because you were too afraid to face your parents!"  
Towa shook his head but some part of him admitted that it was the truth. He was never a brave boy anyway. He was no tough guy.   
A splashing sound of water snapped him and made him realized that the tub was overflowed with water. He turned knob and plunged himself into water. The good part of living alone. He didn't have to share ofuro with anyone. His hand reached to a bottle of bubble bath and poured some amount of it into the steaming water. He added some drops of bath oil and aroma therapy in. Soon the steamy air was filled with sunflower fragrance. It soothed him a little.  
"Have you ever regretted your decision?"  
He remembered his constant argument with his father about him being a musician. His father never agreed with the son's hobby. He never believed in his dream. "You should have learned more and become a doctor. You cannot make a living with that absurd music. And what kind of look is that? Even a whore could dress better than you!" Towa took a deep breath and sighed, "Why parents just can't understand this dream? Not only my parents, but also Atsuro's and Yuki's."  
Atsuro was in a more or less better position than he was. At least Atsuro still had Yuka who would support him with the band. And he? Even his older brother who got him into music laughed when he heard that his younger brother wanted to become a pro musician. His older brother was also in a band during his high school period, but he gave it up before the enrollment test for the varsity.   
His mother was also against his idea of making music. She was always complaining of his rapidly degrading grades, from the number one of the class to a mere spot at the middle of his class. All because he was too busy twiddling with his guitar and tried to arrange new songs. He had not played bass then. She was furious because the smart and diligent son she used to be able to brag about had turned another way. She was always angry when she caught him stealing his mother's make-up to put some visual aspect for his performances. She said that only sissies wore make-up. A man with make-up didn't make a man at all.  
And there he was. He gazed at the dancing haze that moved slowly to the exhaust fan. He knew that his mother was right somehow. He was comfortable with his feminine look because it gave him permission to not be strong. The make-up was like a mask that covered his face and thoughts. It gave him confidence and made him more collected. And after all, he was no tough guy.   
True, he chose to run away because he was tired to confront his parents. It was much better that way. At least, it was decided cool-headedly. He thought about it for days and weeks before finally left his house. The decision was not an outburst of emotion, but a well-planned intend. He had determined his mind and set his goals. No one could ever change it. No one. Nothing. Not his parents, not his teachers, and not even obstacles and fiascos.  
He got up and drained the tub. His hand turned the shower on and washed his body with running water. He felt much better after having a bath. Perhaps the aroma therapy really worked. He didn't care.   
He took his towel and sunk his face into the fluffy surface. He was quite contented with his level now. He had a great band and he had a decent job to fulfill his needs. He even had some spare to buy CD's or books or anything that caught his eyes. He really had nothing to complain now. Things seemed to work just well then.   
Slowly he walked back to his room and closed the bathroom door behind him. The CD had almost reached the end and started to play its last song. He lay himself on bed and smiled to himself. "Nothing to regret now. I'll never regret my decision," he whispered to himself as he closed his eyes. Meanwhile the song played still….

_When you're lost and lonely  
And you feel you can't go on  
Just believe and trust your heart  
To see you through  
  
You can find what you're looking for  
Don't get lost along the way  
Always be strong  
Your heart can't be wrong  
Don't give up and your dreams will come true  
  
Your dreams so real  
You can feel it in the palm of your hands  
So hang on to tomorrow  
And never look back again  
  
Hold the dream  
Don't ever let it go  
Hold the dream  
Hold the dream_

_........._

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Well.... I guess it's a bit AU, ne? I don't know this anime very well... I could only get my hands until Gig 12. I hope I will be able to see more... hehehehe.... I'm always fond of band stories.... I love music soooo much!! Oh yeah, I'm having fun on making Towa sounded like a narcist.... well, a guy with a look like him cannot be not praising himself for his own beauty.... ^____* ......

Oh, I made plenty of assumptions here.... Since many bass players I know started as a guitar player, I decided that it was so with Towa. He played as a guitar player but then co-axed to become a bass player, and he was more into it later. I mentioned Towa as the one who was willing to make music towards perfection because of some lines in the anime itself. First, he decided to quit his former band because he thought that the band cared too much about visual impact rather than making music. After they played Sakuya's piece for the first time, while the others gave appraisals, he calmly said, "The arrangement could use some work out.".... He was the one who noticed that Atsuro was not into the song at the rehearsal..... and he was the one twiddling with the sound equipment on Cradle's farewell live. I think, at least as far as I have watched, he's the one who really wished to become a pro musician... wait, maybe not only a pro musician... but a real musician... who write and make music for the sake of music.... very idealistic, ne?

I actually wanted to put a J-rock lyrics in this fic... but I'm not a big fan of it (though some of them are actually nice)... and I couldn't find any that suit the need... well, all I have with me is L'Arc~en~Ciel and most of them are dark/angsty sounding lyrics.... so I just use Fire House's Hold The Dream..... and I don't know if I re-wrote Fire House's Hold The Dream in the correct order... I don't have the text with me... it was written based on my memory only.... so don't sue me if it's not correct.....

Enough about the blabbers... Now... review, pleeeeaze....


End file.
